29.7.15

You walked away, I moved on and life goes on.

The raw drizzling rain this morning woke me up with no hint of sunshine rays. Feeling hopeful, I hopped out of the bed and started to pack things up. Few minutes later and my clingy bed was made up, face was dolled up and a distinctive dash of vanilla and cranberry redolence from my fragrance perked up my morning senses. I looked into the mirror. Once I get up in the morning and see my face in the mirror. It looks like someone else's that if I'm not careful enough I might end up left behind. I quickly made myself a compulsory green tea morning shot as I would do on every other day. I glanced at the phone screen and a few familiar names appeared but none was awaited.

I would be meeting a lot of people today, there would be a continuous meeting with different faces from the morning to night. It started off with a group of architects, of passionate, enthusiastic youngsters who revolved their days with challenges and relentless pursuit of their unwithered dreams. The drawings were properly structured and carefully explained to us, with precise presentation. Few words were exchanged and ensued with an adieu. I glanced at the phone screen to remind myself of the limited time I had today and perhaps as to also remind myself of the long awaited text.

Came another lengthy meeting next with a few private individuals, whom I have always been well-acquainted to. Perhaps I enjoyed listening too much, I could pour every single word they uttered concisely. Many of the updates have I already known, but refused to acknowledge, and people love reminders by repeating things they would want to say every now and then. It starts with the intention of fooling ownself, but all the efforts of lying to ownself would be of no avail, I reckon you should start by fooling others beforehand and moving on to putting a facade and make a fool of ownself. Then it became the threshold of you living in lies.

I waited at one of the fancy cafes nearby for the next inaugural closure to seal a deal over one of the important social events that would occur this year. It was a smooth-sailing journey in getting the deal confirmed, as light-headed and light-hearted are my constant feels each time I made a pact with these people. Light-hearted since they practically walk into the room with well-structured promises but fulfilled, and with gleams of hopes and myriad of doors opened for the next better opportunities. It made me realize that one of the advantages in working closely with a pack of beamish persons is that you could also be affiliated with their endless optimism. The meeting ended, with success. But I still kept glancing at my phone screen, just in case, the abundance of positivism I received today would cause a miracle somehow. Just in case the constant state of being hopeful would reach its optimum stage, producing its ripest result that I have always wanted.

Then night set in, and the sun went down. I packed my stuff and rushed to the gym nearby, as I have made a promise for every night with all the girls that we will be leading a healthy lifestyle, by joining each and every class and explore each and every activity our curiosity would trigger. Half time through my crossfit session, I took few gulps of my infused water, and perhaps again glanced at the phone screen, with immense hope starting to erode.

Tonight's workout session ended late, so I had to drive home alone with everyone's laughs as a stubborn stain in my thoughts. Although physically solitary I was accompanied in my mind, at least that's what I thought. It was a long night drive with mellow songs on air and a dowie heart to drag with. I took a quick partial glance at my phone screen, and got frustrated by such conduct. If you happen to see me driving at this moment, you may think I was driving alone. But I did not drive alone that night. I drove with grief and guilt in the backseat while hope in the front.

After a quick shower and a few pages flicked as a bedtime routine that has become a secured sojourn, I turned on the bedside lamp. I took a last glance at my phone screen, but the text received from you remained nil. I may lay upon my trustworthy bed, staring at the ceiling but may also be overwhelmed with anger, feeling slightly cheated and unapologetic. Feeling insomniac. 

But like every other day, and including today, I was never insomniac as it was never difficult for me to fall for your images in mind, as easily as falling into my pillow every time the night sets in.

So I went to sleep still feeling hopeful though knowing I would wake up again feeling that I should have known better.