15.4.15

Table talk with R.

I thought I wanted this. 6 years spent for a recognition that was supposed to satisfy my needs and hope. At least, that was what I have trained myself to believe in. I wanted to do this, because this is what I want in my life.

The only thing that should make me proud is by completing this task. I have started this many years ago. What could have made me prouder is the transformation I'd show to everyone of what I am capable of doing. To complete an impossible task.

"But why does it feel so wrong? It does not feel right, or as right as I thought it should have been." I questioned myself incessantly.

I looked at my watch, 7:45 p.m.

I ordered another cup of green tea latte, feeling uneasy that the waitress would chase me out for sitting there throughout the past 3 hours, looking morbid.

Today marks the day of the first meeting with my first personal client, a youthful and inspirational designer. Although inaugural, I would like to prepare myself for an amiable first impression.

"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting." 

I smiled warmly and invited him to take a seat. Usually I am averse to late comers, or at least a man with a fedora. But somehow I am able to intenerate my detestation. Perhaps this is very much contributed by his slovenly hair hidden beneath the ugly fedora, or it could have been the dimples.

"No big deal, I've just arrived." 

He flicked through the menu as he sat down. He quickly ticked a few boxes in the order form. Frankly, I do not despise such forms but somehow they made the attendants oblivious to the plight of poor interpersonal skills.

He passed the order form to the nearest waitress standing a few inches away. "So how did you get here?"

"My office is only nearby. How about you?" I sluggishly answered.

"Oh that explains. I drove all the way from home. I live in Ipoh anyway. Perak, the state of immense tranquility and beauty." He beamed. "Where do you live?"

I straightened up. "I live in the state of denial."